I’m Moving!

I’m moving! Seriously, I’m moving across the country. I want to share my story not just because I’m excited, but because I want to connect with more people across the country. I wanted to give details about my exploration but wanted to do so in an easy, quick way. I also wanted to cover as many aspects of the trip as possible, so I naturally turned to journalism. The 5 W’s and H are my compass: Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How.

WHO

Me! And only me. I’ve gone through a lot and I would be lying if I said that part of my journey wasn’t to spend some time alone and ruminate on things. I’m being very intentional about this being a solo road trip, and I can’t wait to spend a few weeks just…being.

WHAT

A road trip! I want to travel on the road because its the greatest way to see the beauty all around us. One of my favorite parts of my last road trip to Colorado was how awestruck I was by Kansas. Most people associate Kansas (and much of the “flyover” states) with being boring fields and nothing to see. They were some of the most beautiful sunrises and sunsets I’ve ever seen. The soft, rolling hills and beautiful ambers, golds, and beiges were a perfect, warm way to enjoy the drive.

WHEN

By the end of the year. My current goal is to leave my job by October 22nd and be on the road the next day. I’m getting a lot of work done on my car as we sit here, so I’m being flexible on when I leave for financial reasons. That is my target, but 100% by the end of the year. Side note: my job knows I’m leaving and is being super flexible with me, which is great and a privilege.

WHERE

West! I say that generally because I genuinely don’t know where I want to live. I have IDEAS, I’ve never visited, let alone lived in most of these places. I know I like a ton of things about the state of Washington, but maybe I get there and hate it. That’s another reason I’m doing a road trip. I want to be able to stay in or leave any place at any time. If I arrive in a city and can instantly tell the vibe is off, I’m out. I have great intuition and know when something isn’t for me.

I worked with someone about four years ago at a running store named Todd. Todd was one of the most eccentric, interesting people I’ve ever met. Part of that was a story that he told me about his experiences. He was from Indiana but traveled with some friends to Colorado. They were headed to Steamboat Springs. Todd described riding into the valley Steamboat sits in and getting that feeling. The feeling of home. Goosebumps on the arms and legs, almost nauseous gut. That’s what I’m after.

WHY

I’m ready to start the next chapter of my life. For years, I’ve viewed my life in three parts: my learning stage, my execution stage, and my prime. It’s not to say that I’ll stop learning, but I’ve learned a lot of necessary skills to help me execute on ideas and plans that I have. I’m single, have no kids, and almost no debt. I’m grateful for every opportunity those privileges allow for me, and I intend to use my flexibility to my advantage. There’s a lot of people who would look at someone like me and think me a failure. No college degree, not married, no house. I look at myself and see someone who is full of life experience, thirsty for more, and just entering my prime.

HOW

So, how can you follow along? I want to do a pseudo travel blog for my journey, so follow along here for sure. Additionally, I want to do videos and post pictures on my Instagram and Twitter, so follow me @sunkencircle for those as well.

Lastly, I want to thank anyone who has been in my life up to this point. Every good and bad interaction, friendship, relationship, heartbreak, bits of support, and criticism has lead me here. My family and friends have been nothing but supportive of my decision to move, and I couldn’t ask for a greater support system.

Does anyone have some stories about places in the west that they’ve really enjoyed? Really couldn’t stand? Let me know!

~

Photo by Lawton Cook on Unsplash

Revisited: An Old Friend

I wrote this poem in September of 2017. It was the first poem I had written in about 15 years. I had gone through a long stretch of really good energy and positivity, but it was coming to an end. I had taken on the task of going back to school, working two jobs and volunteering 10 hours a week. I was sleeping maybe 2–3 hours a day and my body and mind had had enough. My depression was back.

This is not my best work, or even good I would argue. But it sparked something in me and started me on the path that I’m walking now. I’m revisiting it now because I’ve drifted back to that place again. I wanted to read my thoughts the last time this happened, to compare the feelings and work out the differences. Thank you for reading.

~

My depression snuck up on me today

An old friend I hadn’t seen in a while.

He asked how I had been, I said great.

You see, I had finally found a way out,

A way to not be around him anymore.

He used to be ok, I would tolerate him.

He was company, filling a void of conversation and companionship.

Slowly, I realized there was more,

Other conversations that needed to be had,

Other connections I was missing out on

Because I experienced only him every day.

Yet here he was, invading my space again.

I know how this ends.

I know that he’ll hang around for a few days

Maybe a couple weeks

Hopefully no longer than a month

And then I’ll kick him out

Tired of his bullshit.

But in the meantime, I’ll sit

I’ll try to push him out but fail.

Not because I don’t have the strength,

But because in some small way,

I don’t want him to leave.

~

Photo by Michael Shannon on Unsplash

Sellout

Week by week we sell our souls

In pursuit of regaining them

On a date unknown

But where is the point of no return?

When do we get lost in the pursuit

And become machines

Incapable of emotion, feelings, logic

Unable to remember what we were selling out for

We begin these journeys with a short term mindset

“Someday, when I’m older…”

“Once I save this much…”

“When my kids go off to college…”

But when do we chase our own soul?

When do we soar beyond salesmanship

And into our dreams?

~

Photo by JR Korpa on Unsplash

Blow

Plucked from the ground

We stop growing

We leave our roots behind

Our frayed stem trailing behind us

But we’re rising

Slowly, our viewpoint expands

We can see more of the earth

We see freedom, open space

And also containment, death

This trip will come to an end

Much sooner than we can ever be ready for

We’ll get our chance to live forever, though

A strong wind, or one big blow

Will spread our seeds

Each one creating something new, different

~

Photo by Dawid Zawiła on Unsplash

The End

Stand with me

The end is here, love

Nothing can be done

No war to be had

No grandiose measures

We were too late

 

Stand with me

We had a beautiful run

There’s only so much we could do

This world was insufficient from the start

Corrupted by power and money

Destined for nothing more than the end

 

So, stand with me

As the waves crash over us

The fire consumes us

We’ll drown in a world fraught

Burn down to bone and ash

Together

~

Photo by Christoffer Engström on Unsplash

Free

Every flower grows from a bulb. 

Every butterfly, a caterpillar; 

every frog, a tadpole. 

And just like these other metamorphoses,

humans undergo a similar process. 

It is not a physical transformation, 

but a spiritual, emotional and mental one.

However, similar to the caterpillar,

we will only transform when we are ready.

It is only when we complete our journey,

and decide that we are ready to become more,

that we cocoon.

We bury ourselves in protection,

surrounding ourselves in things that will feed our growth.

And eventually, after enough time has passed,

we emerge from our nurturing shell.

We are not perfect, far from it.

But we are evolved, new, but the same.

We are more beautiful and equipped to handle life.

And that’s when we are freed.

~

Photo by Ye Fung Tchen on Unsplash