I’ll keep this brief. I have a lot of things happening in my personal life, some bad, some good. I’m in a soul-crushing job that I am actively trying to leave. But at the same time, I’m attempting to start a novel and possibly a book of poetry, I want to run my own company, do a podcast and get my personal training certification. So this is my way of saying that my posts here will be more sporadic for the time being. I’d like to take everyone behind the curtain with those good things going on, but until I can free up my mind and time with my main source of income, I have to prioritize the things that I need to. I’ll still post, even poetry and random articles, but I really want to develop my life in positive, tangible ways. I’d love it for everyone to come along with me when the time is right because I believe I’m here to change the world for the better. So stay tuned, be well, and love each other. We need more of that.
I rearranged my apartment this week in a burst of spring cleaning initiative and my general unease with stagnation. I’ve lived in this apartment for 10 months, but my mind believes it to be longer. I’m a nomad at heart.
I knew when I began shifting furniture that I wanted to invite more creativity into the space. After all, my writing place was in the kitchen. I have four rooms in my apartment: the bedroom, the bathroom, the living room, and the kitchen, with a small dining space attached.
The small dining space was my writing space. It was faced toward the wall, artificial light pouring down on me, and a mound of dirty dishes in the background. It was a muse black hole, but it’s where I was getting my writing done.
So where was I going to move my writing space? I wanted to see nature, so I knew it should be at one of my windows. I had four eligible windows in my space. One overlooks my apartments parking space, and two others face the parking lot of the complex next door. Facing the busy street it was then.
At first, I loved it. It was the window with the best light, the sun doesn’t set on this side of the building, which meant I won’t be blinded by it. But as my view expanded, The cars became a distraction. As I said, it’s a fairly busy street. And it’s a direct route to the busiest bar area in the city, so even at night, there are constantly cars going back and forth below my perch.
This surely couldn’t work out. I couldn’t focus on my writing with all the traffic constantly pulling my attention away. But my view expanded one more time. To just beyond the window sill with the perfect lighting, beyond the street and sidewalks below with the bustling vehicles. In that picture above, if you look past the black metal fence and the trees, is the cemetery.
When I first moved to this apartment, the idea of living across from a cemetery didn’t bother me. Cemeteries have never been the place of spooky lore and undead for me, so I was content. However, I didn’t know that it would inspire me so much. And reawaken my muse.
The thing that helped spark that rebirth was the constant reminder of the inevitable: death. It’s coming for everyone, and we have to make the most of our opportunities. We can’t wait to make moves because someday, there won’t be any moves to make.
I want to start that novel, that podcast and take care of myself now. Regret is poison, but you don’t experience it until it’s too late. Make sure it isn’t too late.
There is no such thing as rock bottom.
You only go deeper into the earth,
Burrowing further into the dark.
But that is where growth can occur.
The deeper your bulb, the deeper your roots.
You push past everything that put you there.
Every mistake and harmful experience,
Left behind as you strive for fresh air.
The sky above you, freedom.
You’re blooming, beautiful colors.
It’s a tricky word.
Something we try to avoid
but that we all are.
Our lives, our interests,
our secrets, our passions,
safely guarded against judgment.
What frightens us?
We are all strange.
We are all unique.
So why do we judge?
Are we so full of self-loathing
that we lash out at others?
In defense of what…ourself?
Embrace the strange, the weird.
In vulnerability, there is understanding.
There is clarity, a lack of judgment.
But mostly, there is you.