Last week feels like a month ago. Businesses were still operating as normal, the country was taking this virus (only slightly) less seriously, and I was being productive in my writing. I haven’t touched my idea since then (I intend on working on it after this) because my self-discipline is terrible right now.
When my regular work life is purposeful, I am more productive in my personal life. I’m more consistent with working out and writing because my headspace is clearer. But when I’m not enjoying work, or I find it pointless, I struggle. It bleeds over into the rest of my life.
I’ve tried like hell to find work that is meaningful to me or to be able to disengage at my regular job enough to be able to focus on my other stuff once I leave. I just haven’t figured out that balance yet.
The past week has been particularly difficult. I already don’t enjoy the work I do. I am at the whim of people who have no regard for what my other responsibilities are, and I don’t like relying on people to be conscious of other people.
Add the COVID-19 epidemic to the mix, and it’s been a total abdication of my life. I’m unmotivated, lazy and bored. It’s an awful combination. I’m attempting to push through, but the disruption of my normal routine has taken its toll.
To anyone dealing with any level of mental unwellness right now, for any reason, stay strong. I can only imagine how difficult it is for people in lockdown, alone. It can be an awful experience but you can make it. I’ve been down the road so many times, I can step in past footprints. But I made it back out and you will too.
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